this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
