I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
