I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dude. I can hear the air.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
