if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
