last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
do nipples grow back?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
