Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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