I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Mom said you looked used
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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