The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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