my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need a beard to bite.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
