i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
