Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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