Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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