You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
