question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
