Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
