I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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