Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
