I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
