$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
