Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
