We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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