I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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