Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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