when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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