she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
