They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
