You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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