What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
