You made me cry and you don't even care
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
