WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
