Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
