if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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