Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
