i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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