Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
