My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
