He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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