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I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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