I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
