can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
