I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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