I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
