sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
