I hate your face
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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