weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
