I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
