Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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