He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
