He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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