Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
