If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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