So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
