I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
